Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Conflicts have negative impact on human relations. Sometimes conflicts result in broken relationship and other serious problems. Family conflicts have negative impact on all participants of the conflict. People often get moral and sometimes even physical suffering, when they get involved in the conflict. Children become especially sensitive to conflicts, which take place in the family (Horton, Bayerl & Jacobs, 2014). That is the reason it is important to know basic skills of conflict management in order to be able to resolve family conflicts.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

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The conflict I observed took place in my friend’s family. Veronica, my friend had severe conflict with her parents because of her future profession and choice of collage. Veronica has high scores and has good perspectives to enter prestigious collage. Her parents want her to choose prestigious profession, such as economist or PR manager. Veronica has a lot of talents and wants to become an artist. She wants to choose artistic profession, but her parent mind her choice. The conflicts emerge each time when the family starts the discussion of Veronica’s future profession or choice of the learning institution. The family has tried different methods but, unfortunately, all their discussions result in conflicts with blames and offences. Each conflict makes the situation more complicated.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Dealing with the conflict, it is possible to use several approaches. We will use the Hocker-Wilmot Conflict Assessment Guide for my analysis.

Nature of the Conflict
First of all, it is necessary to define sides of the conflict. In some cases, sides of the conflict are easy to define, while in others it can make some difficulty. In the situation described the sides of the conflict include Veronica (teenager, 15 years old), Veronica’s mother and Veronica’s father.

It is also important to define the context of the conflict. Some conflicts are hard to resolve because they have previous history and people who participate in the conflict have past unresolved conflicts, which influence current situation. In the situation described Veronica and her parents, have past history of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Veronica believes that parents do not listen to her opinion. She feels that she is an adult person who wants to take control over her life, but her parents do not let her to do so. Her parents believe that Veronica wastes her life. They do not share her affection with art and believe that she loses good chances to build a successful life. They want her to be more responsible, to spend more time on her study and perform actions, which can bring her use in her future possible carrier. Parents believe that they know what to do in order to resolve the conflict. They want their daughter to take their position and believe in their arguments. “The belief that we know better than someone else how to resolve their conflict, or are somehow better equipped to do so, leads us to intervene or try to ‘rescue’ them in a way which disempowers them and inhibits their ability to resolve it themselves.” (Sharland, 2013). The conflict described has previous history. It is possible to speak about long-lasting misunderstanding, which exists in the family. The sides of the conflict do not hear each other.

The next step can be in finding “triggering mechanism,” which starts the conflict. “Triggering mechanism” describes words, actions or behavior, which initiate the conflict. In the case described certain phrases, told by parents and their daughter to each other may become the “triggering mechanism”. Phrases like “you don’t know life”, “we have experience” told by parents and phrases “don’t tell me what to do”, “I will take care by myself”, told by Veronica often start the conflict situation, where sides of the conflict don’t listen to each other.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

The structure of the conflict helps to find out how the conflict emerges, how it develops and what consequences it may have for all parties. It may also help to find out which strategies each party chooses during the conflict, what methods they use to pursue their goals. In many cases people have good motifs and want to share their thoughts with the other side of the conflict, but fail in these attempts because choose wrong methods and approaches.

It is worth to mention that in the situation described two parties of conflict are interdependent. They depend on each other because they are the members of one family system. The parents also feel that they lose their influence on their daughter and start looking for new methods of influence.

Styles of Conflict
Styles of conflict describe individual behavior parties have during the conflict. The parents use authoritarian style and try to make their daughter share their vision. Veronica rebels and wants to take decisions of her own.

Individual styles change during the conflict. Since parents and their daughter realize that they cannot find a solution to their problem, they make attempts to change their style. They start ordinary conversation from free exchange of opinions. Unfortunately, after small time they turn to previous model, which consists of blames and yelling.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

The parties have very dim perception of the position of the opposing side. Veronica cannot feel her parents’ concern. She is sure they do not know the situation and want to bend her will and make her follow their wishes and desires. Her parents do not take Veronica’s position, her dreams and her motifs seriously. They do not see her point and don’t take her arguments seriously. Such a position of two parties makes communication between them difficult and conflicts constantly repeat. The choice of each party reinforces reaction from another party. Authoritarian style used by parents makes their daughter rebel and, in return to her rebel, they turn to more authoritarian position. Style choices are complimentary in this situation. Family is a stable system and it looks like previous conflict dynamic will be saved if both parties do not change their positions.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Power
In the situation described, parent possess more power. Their daughter is depended on them financially. At the same time, this situation may quickly change if she finally rebels and chooses her own way. Parents are gradually losing control over the situation and this fact makes them worried. Veronica does not have enough power to explain her position to her parents. At the same time, she is strong enough to stand against their pressure and depend her own position. There is no solution to the situation yet and further events can change the distribution of power. At the time, when Veronica becomes older, she can take more control over her life. She has hidden sources of power, which will become more evident in the future.

Two parties express their goals clearly. Parents explain that they want their daughter to agree with their choice and choose the collage they want. Veronica clearly expresses her desire to choose another profession. At the same time, both parties may lack understanding of motivation, which makes two parties insist on their decisions.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Tactics
Parents make certain plans before they talk to their daughter. They choose information about different professions and try to prepare convincing arguments. At the same time, they forget about their tactics during the conflict. Both sides turn to blames and loses the very essence of conversation. Veronica makes little attempt to explain parents her choice. She wants to get freedom and to be treated like an adult. She does not want to explain her choices and her decisions. Such a position makes the situation more complicated, since parents become even more sure in their idea that their daughter is not able to make right choices. Veronica can see strategy and tactics, chosen by her parents. At the same time, she does not want to support their conversation line. Despite the fact that both parties express their arguments clearly, hidden information makes it difficult to resolve the conflict. The basic conflict, which is hidden behind the argument about the choice of collage is in Veronica’s desire to take control over her life and to take important decisions concerning her life. Veronica wants to change her status of a child and wants to get the position of an adult person. She does not express this desire directly. Moreover, she herself may have little realization about her true driving motifs. Her parents are not ready to meet their daughter’s demands. They want to save status quo and try to overcome any resistance. The tactics, used by two sides prevents them from successful conflict resolution. Veronica does not take a time and effort to understand and explain her basic needs and desires. Her parents resist to any change and innovation. They don’t want to make effort and understand Veronica’s point of view. Tactics, used by both parties can be described as competition. Each party wants to prove its righteousness and does not want to take into account position of the other party. Such tactics results in same tactics in response and makes the conflict even more complicated.

Assessment
The conflict starts each time the family starts discussing Veronica’s future study in the collage. Each time the conflict has a similar scenario. Both sides exchange arguments, but don’t hear to the arguments of the other party. After some time of such discussion they turn to offences and blames and after that end up a dialogue with feeling of regret and disappointment. The situation gets more complicated because the time flows that the time to choose collage approaches.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Self-Regulation
Parties realize that their behavior produces only conflicts and negative emotions, but perform little effort to change the situation. This happens because both parties are sure that they are right and do not want to change their position. Veronica’s parents make an attempt to use techniques of self-regulation. They make planning before staring a conversation about the future profession. Unfortunately, techniques of self-regulation work only for limited period of time. Basic differences in vision and life position prevent two parties from finding a solution of the problem. It would be effective for both parties to take a notice of phrases and word expression, which cause negative reaction of the other party and avoid them in the conversation.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Solution
It is important to look for the solution of the conflict, because it can spoil relations in the family. Veronica will finally make her choice, but she may keep offence on her parents afterwards. Earlier the parents slightly changed the manner of conversation. They started asking questions and make an attempt to listen to their daughter. These attempts brought some positive result. Unfortunately, they perform these attempts not because they want to hear position of their daughter, but rather because they want to create effective communicative surrounding in order to persuade their daughter to listen to their argument. Changes in parents’ position can become the first step in conflict resolution. The family did not try to ask for the help of the third party. Hopefully, external assistance can bring positive change to the situation. Holst, Lundgren, Olsen and Ishoy (2009) give basic principles of conflict management and they can be applied to the situation described. These principles include: “Maintain the palliative perspective, maintain flexibility, maintain neutrality, transparency and professionalism, avoid splitting, avoid demonizing, set necessary limits (Holst, Lundgren, Olsen & Ishoy, 2009, p. 40). Both parties should pay effort to resolve the conflict. They should make everything possible to listen to each other and understand each other’s position.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Families provide people with an atmosphere in which to live, grow, and develop. A family culture is established by the parents and instilled in the children during their upbringing. A healthy family is a family which follows a set of strong morals, stays loyal to one another, cooperates, and works together to avoid conflict. An environment where there is openness amongst family members is ideal because minds that are open are more susceptible to avoiding conflict than minds that are closed. If conflict gets the best of a family, it has the potential to increase hostility and create remoteness between family members, however, if a family resolves conflict, it can strengthen and enforce the family relationships. A family must establish…show more content…
Willy was unwilling to talk with Biff about the affair incident that Willy created his own reasons for why Biff did not get along with him. Willy insisted that Biff was spiting him, but in reality, Biff had already come to accept the fact that his father was not perfect and that spiting him had worn off as a motive for retribution. It was not until the end of the play that Willy and Biff reconciled after they finally talked about their differences and their love for each other. It turned out, all they needed to do was just talk to each other, instead of fighting and refusing to confront one another. A family should be willing to take risks and confront problems that pose as conflicts. Confronting every single issue is not healthy, but confronting those issues that significantly bother family members should be considered. Linda was an emotionally weak character who was unable to confront Willy about his thoughts of committing suicide. She was afraid of what might happen if he found out that she knew that he was emotionally unstable.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Conflict can happen when family members have different views or beliefs that clash. Sometimes conflict can occur when people misunderstand each other and jump to the wrong conclusion. Issues of conflict that are not resolved peacefully can lead to arguments and resentment.

It is normal to disagree with each other from time to time. Occasional conflict is part of family life. However, ongoing conflict can be stressful and damaging to relationships. Some people find it difficult to manage their feelings and become intentionally hurtful, aggressive or even violent.Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Communicating in a positive way can help reduce conflict so that family members can reach a peaceful resolution. This usually means that everyone agrees to a compromise or agrees to disagree.

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Sometimes, strong emotions or the power imbalances that can be present in relationships are difficult to resolve and can only be addressed in a counselling situation.
Common causes of family conflict
It is well recognised that some of the stages a family goes through can cause conflict. These may include:
Learning to live as a new couple Family Conflict Analysis Essay
Birth of a baby
Birth of other children
A child going to school
A child becoming a young person
A young person becoming an adult.
Each of these stages can create new and different stresses and potential conflict.

Changes in the family situation can also take a toll on the family and contribute to conflict. This may include events such as:
Separation or divorce
Moving to a new house or country
Travelling long distances to work
Commuting interstate for work.
Change in financial circumstances.
The opinions, values and needs of each parent can also change and they may find they are no longer compatible.
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Agreeing to negotiate
Usually, our first angry impulse is to push the point that we are right and win the argument at any cost. Finding a peaceful resolution can be difficult, if not impossible, when both parties stubbornly stick to their guns. It helps if everyone decides as a family to try listening to each other and negotiating instead.

Suggestions include:
Work out if the issue is worth fighting over.
Try to separate the problem from the person.
Try to cool off first if you feel too angry to talk calmly.
Keep in mind that the idea is to resolve the conflict, not win the argument.
Remember that the other party isn’t obliged to always agree with you on everything.Family Conflict Analysis Essay
Define the problem and stick to the topic.
Respect the other person’s point of view by paying attention and listening.
Talk clearly and reasonably.
Try to find points of common ground.
Agree to disagree.
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Try to listen
Conflict can escalate when the people involved are too angry to listen to each other. Misunderstandings fuel arguments. Suggestions include:
Try to stay calm.
Try to put emotions aside.
Don’t interrupt the other person while they are speaking.
Actively listen to what they are saying and what they mean.
Check that you understand them by asking questions.
Communicate your side of the story clearly and honestly.
Resist the urge to bring up other unresolved but unrelated issues.
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Work as a team
Once both parties understand the views and feelings of the other, you can work out a solution together. Suggestions include:
Come up with as many possible solutions as you can.
Be willing to compromise.
Make sure everyone clearly understands the chosen solution.
Once the solution is decided on, stick to it.
Write it down as a ‘contract’, if necessary.
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Professional advice
There are services available to help family members work through difficult issues of conflict. Seek professional advice if you think you need some assistance.Family Conflict Analysis Essay
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Where to get help
Your doctor
Parentline Tel. 13 22 89
Family Relationship Advice Line Tel. 1800 050 321 Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm, Saturday, 10am to 4pm www.familyrelationships.gov.au
Other parents
Family counsellor

There are a lot of things that could cause conflict among a family. Some like jealousy, infidelity, and the way you were raised. Jealousy is the natural counterpart of love; when you commit your love to one person, you want an exclusive commitment in return. Anything that threatens that commitment, whether it is another person, a hobby, a job or a situation, causes jealousy. You want the attention of the person you love; when it is taken by another person, activity or thing, you are jealous for the one you love, and jealous of whatever is claiming that person’s attention. It can cause the family to fight often which causes family to drift apart which causes emotional problems between the parents and children. Family Conflict Analysis Essay

Infidelity affects everyone in a family not just the parents. The children take a large blow from it too. It can cause them to act out. Experts say children who learn about parental infidelity react similarly to children whose parents divorce, except the emotional responses to cheating are deeper and can have greater, longer-lasting impacts. Children who see a parent cheat lose trust in them because the parent was always telling them to be good. But in the end they were the ones misbehaving. Family Conflict Analysis Essay

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